


Cliché

by mcmanatea



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Female Bilbo Baggins/Female Thorin Oakenshield, Firefighter AU, Unsubtle Flirting, cat in a tree trope, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 21:35:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmanatea/pseuds/mcmanatea
Summary: Thorin must rescue the rescuer when both cat and catsitter get stuck in a tree.





	Cliché

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReySkyrissian (ErinacchiLove)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinacchiLove/gifts).



"We have a WHAT? Over."

There was a static crackle, and then Bofur's cheerful voice confirmed, "Cat stuck in a tree in Hobbiton. Lady called the non-emergency line real polite-like, said she could wait if there were actual emergencies, but she had no way to reach the beastie on her own. Over."

Thorin rubbed the stubble on her cheek in exasperation. "Please tell me there’s an actual emergency somewhere. Anywhere. Over."

"'Fraid not, Chief. It's hot as balls out, and twice as humid. Unless you want to take one of the sixteen calls begging you to spray them down with a firehose, this is the closest you're getting to a catastrophe today. Over." There was a muffled thump, and Thorin assumed that one of the other dispatchers wasn't impressed by Bofur's colorful observations about the weather. Even with her office's air conditioning turned to maximum, Thorin could still feel the prickle of sweat on the back of her neck underneath her messy bun.

"Have you considered the idea that this might be a prank? Over."

"Could be, yeah. But she gave her full name and address, and went to the trouble of calling the non-emergency line instead of 911. Plus I could hear something yowlin' like a banshee over the phone. If it's a prank, she put in a lot of effort. Over."

Thorin was already pulling her gear off of the wall, resigned to her fate. She hesitated for a second, then paged Fíli and Nori. She was required to have at least two other people with her on a call, and they were the least likely to complain about being forced to leave the arctic confines of the TV room.

This is small-town life, she reminded herself silently as her two companions clambered into the cab behind her. Long periods of boredom, broken up by the occasional car accident or stove fire. People called when they needed help, and sometimes that help involved coaxing the local fauna out of the local flora.

"Can I get that name and address, Bofur? Over."

\---

There were so few cars on the road that they didn't even bother to turn the lights or sirens on. Anyone with half a brain was indoors or in a pool. Thorin half-hoped, half-expected there to be no one there when she arrived at the only house on Bag End Road, and in this she wasn't disappointed. There was an enormous oak tree just to the left of the property, but no one was standing near it, or in front of the house, or on the sidewalk, or anywhere else that she could see. But someone had called, so Thorin was obligated to at least take a look around. She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to her niece and friend, who were waiting for her orders with only slightly martyred expressions. She sighed.

"I'm going to go check it out. You can wait here." Neither of them protested, in case she changed her mind and forced them to exit their cool haven. Hopping out of the truck was like opening the door of an oven, and she silently hoped that the damned cat had already come down on its own so that she could go back to the station and take an ice-cold shower. She tried her best to tamp down her irritation and arrange her face into a suitably neutral expression for meeting members of the public.

From the street, Thorin noticed that a bench was angled haphazardly beneath the tree, and shallow furrows through the otherwise immaculately-manicured yard indicated that this was not its usual resting place. It had been dragged there, presumably in an attempt by the owner of the cat to reach it herself. A discarded broom lay in the dirt beside it.

As she stepped into the shade of the oak, hoping to find a clue to the whereabouts of caller or feline, a plaintive voice quavered from somewhere above her, "Is someone there? Can you help me?"

Looking up, Thorin was surprised to see two bare feet dangling some fifteen feet above her, though the body that they were attached to was obscured by leaves and branches. Thorin circled the broad trunk until she had a better view of the speaker.

She was small and plump, dressed in a long skirt and a cropped tee. Her face was so red that it nearly blended into her frizzy ginger curls, though Thorin didn't know if that was from heat, discomfort, or both. She seemed to be trying very hard not to look down at the ground.

Thorin felt her cheeks warm in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature. This woman, presumably one Bilbo Baggins, was obviously in distress, if her white-knuckled grip on the tree trunk was anything to go by. Now was not the time to notice that she was heartbreakingly attractive, even with twigs in her hair and a smear of dirt across her cheek. A sharp, pleasant ache skipped rebelliously from her belly to her chest, nonetheless, and she cleared her throat against the sudden lump there.

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Chief Thorin Durin, from the Fire Department. Are you Bilbo Baggins?" Thorin was pleased that her voice was steady, even though her heartbeat was thumping in her ears.

"I am," Bilbo replied. She had a pleasantly husky voice that only shook a little with anxiety. "I hate to be impertinent, but I'm not terribly good with heights. I don't suppose..."

"Yes, of course," Thorin replied, fumbling for the radio on her belt while keeping her eyes on Bilbo's grip. She seemed perfectly steady for the moment, but Thorin wanted to be prepared should that change. "I need the secondary ladder up here. Over."

Nori's voice came through a second later. "Ten-four, boss. See you in a few. Over." Thorin took that to mean that they were going to enjoy a few more minutes in the cab of the truck before stepping out into the hellish heat. Just this once, Thorin wasn’t inclined to reprimand them for it.

Thorin glanced away for a second to clip the radio back in place. When she looked back up, she was startled to find Bilbo looking directly at her. The smaller woman seemed equally flustered, and quickly turned her gaze to the branches in front of her.

"Fíli and Nori will be here soon. While we wait, do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I honestly don’t,” Bilbo replied, a little petulant. 

“Suit yourself,” Thorin shrugged, and leaned against the tree with forced casualness. Cicadas buzzed loudly in the ensuing silence.

Finally, Bilbo sighed in exasperation.

“It’s embarrassing, okay?! I’m supposed to be watching my nephew’s cat, and the damn thing ran out the door. I would honestly have let him stay up here, but he needs his shots at the same time every day, so…” 

As if he could hear himself being discussed, a horrible yowling sounded from the leaves above Bilbo.

“So you decided to try to get him down yourself,” Thorin finished, rolling her eyes. “Should I ask how you managed to get so high up without figuring out how you were going to get back down?”

“Well, what else was I supposed to do?!” Bilbo huffed. 

Thorin smirked. She could clearly imagine Bilbo crossing her arms over her chest, if they were free. “Maybe wait for the professionals?” 

“Yes, well,” Bilbo sniffed. “They were taking the scenic route to get here, apparently.”

“The scenery now is much better,” Thorin teased gently. "I would have driven faster if I had known."

“Rude!” Bilbo gasped, tugging her skirt more firmly around her legs. “Save your flirting until both my feet are on the ground again, so I can fully appreciate it.” Suddenly, the branch beneath her gave an alarming creak. She shrieked, clinging even more tightly to the tree trunk.

Thorin’s amusement fled in an instant, and she immediately positioned herself underneath the branch in case it decided to break. “I need that ladder up here, NOW!” she bellowed across the lawn. 

“It will be okay,” She soothed the frightened woman above her. “We’ll get you down in just a minute. You’re going to be fine.” She kept up the litany of calming words, while keeping one ear out for the telltale clatter of the ladder.

Bilbo’s laugh was watery. “This is literally the most cliché thing in the world, I’ll have you know. Rescuing a cat from a tree. They must spend a whole week on it in firefighter training,” she babbled. Thorin chuckled.

“If it makes you feel any better, this is the first pretty girl I’ve had to rescue from rescuing a cat.”

The look Bilbo shot her was unimpressed, and all the more endearing for it. “I told you, save it until I can thank you properly.”

It was that exact moment that Fíli and Nori decided to make their appearance, of course. Thorin’s cheeks flamed, half from Bilbo’s insinuation and half from the matching leers on their stupid faces. 

“Give me that,” Thorin groused, snatching the ladder from Fíli’s hands. “Not a word, unless you want to wash the truck when we get back. By hand.”

A moment later, Thorin was face-to-face with her rescuee, and she knew for certain that she was hopelessly, utterly fucked. She hadn’t been able to see Bilbo’s freckles before, when her face was mostly hidden in the tree’s shade. But she could see them now: a generous dusting across her face and arms, and also a sprinkling of them scattered beguilingly across the soft sliver of stomach revealed by her top. If Bilbo’s appreciative once-over was any indication, this might just turn out to be the best call of her career.

But first, duty called. 

“Here, let me help you,” she coaxed, gently prying Bilbo’s arms from around the tree trunk and transferring them to her own neck. “Just hold on to me. We’ll do this together, slowly.”

“I usually wait until the third date to say that,” Bilbo murmured, while positioning her body so that Thorin could get one arm under her knees while still holding tightly to the ladder. “But this is giving me some ideas, so for you I’ll make it the second.”

“Keep distracting me and our first date will be in the back of an ambulance,” Thorin warned, though she softened it with a smile. Slowly they descended the ladder, with Thorin focusing her entire attention on where to place her next step, and not at all how Bilbo’s solid weight felt so perfect against her chest.

(Bilbo took the hint and kept quiet, instead taking a moment to appreciate how very strong Thorin was, to hold her with one arm while climbing backwards down a ladder with the other. It gave her some more ideas...ones that might come in handy on dates four, five, and six.)

Once she was nearly at the bottom of the ladder, Thorin shifted her grip on Bilbo’s body, gently easing her into Nori’s waiting arms. Bilbo slowly (reluctantly?) unwound herself from Thorin’s neck and allowed herself to be passed downward.

“I’ve just got to make one last trip for the…” 

The leaves shook above her, and Thorin looked back up into the tree just as a pink, hairless creature with huge ears leapt from the top rung of the ladder to Thorin’s shoulder, and from there to the ground. 

“...cat.”

“Sméagol, you stinker!” Bilbo shouted, picking up the broom and waving it at the unrepentant feline. “You get inside right this instant!” she yelled. The cat hissed before bolting back to the house and through the open front door, evidently no longer impressed by the out-of-doors. Bilbo gave chase, closing the door behind her with a resounding slam.

Thorin was a bit at a loss.

With the excitement over, Fíli was busy writing up the report, and Nori was folding the ladder back down for storage on the truck. Thorin was once again uncomfortably aware of how hot and sticky she felt. She must look terrible. 

Bilbo may have seemed interested when she was trapped in a tree and in need of rescue, but maybe she had just been distracting herself? She hadn’t even stuck around to say “Thank you,” even though Thorin didn’t expect it from any of her calls. Half-formed daydreams of frosty beers, freckled thighs, and warm laughter suddenly seemed as distant as...

“So the ambulance is out, but that still leaves a lot of options,” came a voice from behind her. Thorin whirled, and there was Bilbo, cell phone in hand and a hopeful smile on her face. She was still a mess: out of breath, hair tangled, arms covered in scratches, just as sweaty and filthy as Thorin felt.

And still utterly, painfully beautiful. 

Thorin was helpless against the grin breaking across her face.

“I have some ideas.”

**Author's Note:**

> It started snowing while I was writing this, so I figured a little bit of summertime might be called for :) I hope you like it, [Filin prinsessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinacchiLove/pseuds/ErinacchiLove)!
> 
> Thank you to my amazing [beta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liasangria/pseuds/mithrilbikini), who is an actual angel.


End file.
